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Have you said anything that made the communication more difficult?

Updated: Oct 18, 2022

“I’d feel less worried if you can do revisions more proactively, like you sister!”


We may think that we have shared our feelings in our everyday life. However, some expressions would actually make people more disconnected and away from each other. They are what we called “the 4Ds”:


1. Diagnosis

Labelling, making comparisons and judgments

Example: “You will just keep failing if you remain so lazy.”


2. Denial

Not seeing and accepting other people’s feelings and thoughts

Example: “You’ve grown up so you shouldn’t cry! You should be embarrassed!”


3. Demand

Causing people to obey by making them feel guilty or shameful about themselves

Example: “We’re not taking you out tomorrow if you can’t finish all your homework by today!”


4. Deserve

Highlighting a person’s responsibility and that they “should” do something in order to make them do it

Example: “Being a student, you should be studying hard and finishing your homework.”


Using the 4Ds to communicate with children, they would easily feel that they are being criticized and unloved. This will eventually make them not willing to express themselves and communicate further.


Have you ever experienced these? We encourage you to pay more attention to your communication habits and think about what you really want to say when speaking with the 4Ds. Next week we’ll continue the sharing on why children stop expressing themselves to their parents.



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